Willand vs Barnstaple
What’s the worst film you’ve ever watched? For me it’s an easy shout – the first in the trilogy of the new 28 Years Later. Maybe not the worst film in terms of storyline or acting, but when you take into account the anticipation of the continuation of the ’28 Days’ series after so many years, then you have a dud I’m afraid, and a grade A dud at that.
Conversely, the number one film on my list was the start of a dynasty that quickly went south. Planet of the Apes.
Not the recent reboots. Definitely not the Tim Burton re-imagination (although now I’ve reminded myself of that I might have to reconsider my earlier choice!).
The 1968 original was in many ways Star Wars before Star Wars, and should probably hold a place in the human zeitgeist for the same reasons. Revolutionary special effects? Check. A story that held a mirror up to the racism that still plagued large parts of the world at the time? Absolutely. A nod to the role that religion played in society at the time? They prayed to an atomic bomb.
And of course the final scene. Charlton Heston on his knees in front of a destroyed Statue of Liberty, as he realised that he hadn’t travelled through space, simply through time. As he shouted the line “We finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!” he wasn’t talking about the apes.
Unfortunately, some of the furore that erupted following the film was focused not on the world leaders who were dancing on the tightrope of the Cold War, but rather on the use of the phrase ‘God damn’, which was still seen as an affront to both religious groups and profanity laws.
Best films and worst films are easy though. But what about the middle ground? Films that are so bad they are good.
It’s a peculiar phenomenon, the “so bad it’s good” movie. It requires a rare alignment of the cinematic stars where absolute incompetence meets unbridled sincerity. True “so bad it’s good” cinema started as an accidental masterpiece. In 1959 Ed Wood made ‘Plan 9 from Outer Space’. He didn’t set out to make a joke; he genuinely believed he was crafting a sci-fi epic on par with the greats. Instead, he gave us cardboard tombstones that wobbled when actors walked past, visible pie tins acting as UFOs, and a plot so nonsensical it defies gravity.
Yet you can’t help but love it, and today this accidental brilliance has spawned an entire sub-culture. The modern landscape is littered with intentional trash – the Zombeavers and Llamageddons of the world. Born out of a cynical marketing boardroom, weaponising irony for a quick buck. They are in on the joke. And that makes them all the more watchable.
When you watch a standard blockbuster, you know exactly where the plot beats will land. When you watch a grade-A disaster, you have absolutely no idea what baffling decision the director will make next.
Reminds me of football.
Willand’s midweek visitors to Silver Street came in the guise of Devon contemporaries Barnstaple Town. Barum have had a difficult start to the season since their promotion, and came into the game with four losses from their last five games and sitting in the bottom four.
Willand themselves were looking to bounce back from defeat to league leaders Swindon and, possibly more importantly, show an improvement on the performance.
And it was the home team that started well, with a loping run from Kempster in the opening minutes leading to nothing, before Dorothy found himself just the wrong side of offside minutes later.
But the game quickly broke down into a battle of the long ball, and aside from two excellent runs down the left from Williams, both resulting in crosses that deserved better, there was little to note from either team.
Dorothy was faring well against a tall back line, winning a number of headers and holding up the ball well, but the midfield were spending more time looking up than playing through balls.
The first card of the game was shown in the 20th minute, the Barnstaple full back stopping a mazy run from Morgan, albeit in a very small maze.
The visitors came into the game after surviving the tempest in a teapot and came close in the 20th minute, a looping free kick into the heart of the Willand defence, the free header being directed past the far post.
Another chance came soon after, Rogers the beneficiary at the end of a game of ping pong in the home penalty box, only to see his shot travel over the bar and towards Uffculme.
The pressure continued without troubling Seedhouse-Evans in the Willand goal, and it fell upon another Willand defensive error to assist with the first goal.
What should have been a routine header back to the keeper from Thomas landed short, and Seedhouse-Evans could do nothing as Parry took the ball a long way around him before placing it in the empty net.
Not helping the cause, Baxter was substituted in the 38th minute, an injury forcing the introduction of McIver-Redwood.
In the end the first half was relatively even, but in the same way that Jaws 3 and Sharknado 5 are even. Even doesn’t always equal good.
Half time – Willand 0 Barnstaple 1
Willand started the second half well, Kempster turning sharply in the box without troubling the keeper, and multiple shots were forged without ever being directed towards the goal. After this brief cameo of what Willand can actually do, the home fans were soon back to watching long balls getting kicked into corners and longer throws being easily dealt with.
Ten minutes into the half, Ben Watson made some additional changes, Horn and Bateson replacing Williams and Ford, but unlike Saturday, when a change in formation galvanised the Whites, any plans were scuppered when McIver-Redwood was forced off with what looked like a painful ankle injury.
Barnstaple thought they had won a penalty in the 70th minute, but the referee had seen a dive and booked the opposition forward. Frustration was starting to spill over from the fans to the players, and with discipline ebbing away, the visitors extended their lead in the 77th minute.
Willand gave away a needless free kick, which was again hit into the heart of the penalty box, where it was met with the outstretched boot of Parry, who placed a delightful shot over Seedhouse-Evans for his second of the game.
The closing stages of the game at least saw a new tactic from the home team, the ‘shoot from anywhere’ method, which, while giving some hope to the home fans, never seemed to trouble the scorekeeper, with defenders’ legs and the goalkeeper’s arm doing a sterling job of keeping the ball at bay until the referee called time.
It was clear to those in attendance that the script hadn’t really been updated since Saturday, and what ensued was a sequel that wasn’t quite up to the standards of the original.
Two home defeats in a week is a hard pill to swallow, but with the inevitable next instalment around the corner, it might be time to start thinking of The Godfather rather than Scary Movie.
Full time – Willand 0 Barnstaple 2
