Willand Rovers vs Bishops Cleeve
56 x 36 x 23.
Important Measurements. We’ll come back to these.
I’ve been travelling recently. In fact, I was gone for most of August, and so a review of the month might be a little sterile.
How were the first two home games of the season? I’ve no idea, but it was 43°C in Las Vegas.
How about the first away game? I was in Auckland, so it was 2am, and I missed most of the Twitter commentary.
And the last game of the month? I was in the middle of 23 hours of flying and think I got the better end of the deal than the fans that travelled.
But as the Proclaimers once proclaimed, that’s over and done with. We’re now in September, and I’m back on duty (or at least filling in for a week).
Travelling is an oddity for me; I love the destination but hate the journey. It doesn’t help that I’m not a great flyer – there are only so many films you can watch on a 15 hour flight, especially on a screen no bigger than a teenager’s phone. Sleep passed me by as well, due to a combination of an aisle seat, wide shoulders and meal trolleys being haphazardly driven along the aisles and the food was indescribable. Which ended that sentence dramatically.
But it’s people that make the flights almost unbearable.
I have somehow acquired the gift of always having someone in front of me recline their seat at the first opportunity. Even children stretched across their parents’ laps feel the need to slam theirs back like it was part of their contract with British Airways. I once even had an empty seat in front of me reclined. I still think about that sometimes.
And when the food service comes around, does anyone think to shift their seat forward so I’m not trying to eat dinner with the tray halfway across my chest? Not a chance.
Then there are the shoeless. Almost always American. Passengers who decide that 35,000 feet in the air is the right moment to air out their socks — or worse, bare feet The lady opposite me on one flight had her naked feet on the headrest of the chair in front of her. She may well have been heading to a contortionists’ convention, but we really didn’t need a sneak preview mid-Atlantic.
And what is it about landing that makes people leap up the second the wheels touch down? Unless you’ve paid for the kind of seat that lets you get off first (and let’s be honest, if you’re sitting near me, you haven’t), standing hunched under the lockers like a coiled spring doesn’t actually get you out quicker. It just blocks the aisle for everyone else.
Some don’t even wait for the landing. They’re up and loitering in the aisle mid-flight, stretching, chatting, and ignoring the glowing seatbelt sign as though it’s just festive decoration. The crew, naturally, say nothing.
And then comes the finale: the applause. Divisive, apparently. Some find it charming, but I’m firmly in the camp that thinks it’s more cringe than commendable. The pilot hasn’t reinvented flight—he’s just done his job. Nobody claps when your bus pulls into Taunton.
But my biggest gripe is 56 x 36 x 23.
That’s the maximum size baggage that you’re allowed in the cabin. It’s not a suggestion or a request – it’s the rules. Unfortunately it’s the airline equivalent of the 6-second rule – everyone knows it exists, but it’s still ritualistically ignored. Not only ignored but systematically abused. I saw one couple with 6 bags, 4 of which were larger than the maximum allowed – I’m pretty sure they knew they were too big – they were standing next to the redundant cage that airlines provide that allows you to check such things. In the end, though, they sloped onto the plane unabated and took up the overhead space designated for up to six people. They probably immediately took their shoes off, reclined their seats and started clapping like sea lions.
It seems that the only way to counter these flying philistines is to follow the example of Ryanair and implement penalties.
There are never enough penalties.
—
After the events of the previous month there was some respite from the league for David Steele and his team as Willand entertained Bishops Cleeve in FA Trophy.
The visitors came into the game in good form, having started the league season with four wins from four, the only defeat coming at the hands of Premier League opposition Wimborne in the FA Cup.
For Willand there were a number of changes to the team that was comprehensively beaten by Hartbury, including the recently re-signed Ryan Keates, who took up his place in the midfield.
In truth any neutral fans wouldn’t have been confused as to which was the form team after the opening gambits. The Mitres started the game on top, with the home team still looking shell-shocked, and the first chance fell in the 10th minute, with Langworthy beating at least one defender in white before flashing his shot past the upright with Sowden-Bird well beaten.
It didn’t take long for Bishops Cleeve to take advantage of their dominance, albeit with a touch of luck involved. A minute later a deflected ball from the left box hung in the air just long enough for Langworthy to loop it past Sowden-Bird to open the scoring.
That set the pattern for the early stages – Cleeve pressing, Willand still trying to find their collective feet – and Malshanskyj soon forced a good save out of the Willand keeper to keep the deficit at one.
It was Willand who struck next though; a shot from Camilo saw Clayton beaten, and as the ball smashed against the post, Cunninghamm was quickest to react, making no mistake to equalise on 24 minutes.
Willand might even have gone ahead not long after, with a teasing ball to the back post, but the first controversy of the afternoon was soon to follow.
After a free kick for the visitors, Langworthy found the back of the Willand net, only for the flag to go up before he’d even finished celebrating. The linesman was unmoved, despite the protests that the Cleeve captain had been behind the man who played the ball.
Half Time – Willand 1 – Bishops Cleeve 1
What we got after the restart was, in truth, not much. Willand found themselves in the ascendancy, and Clayton kept out a strike from a distance on the hour, before he saw a Willand free kick thumped squarely into the wall, but for long stretches the game was played in the midfield, with few chances created.
The final quarter, though, sparked back into life. Willand carved out two golden chances, both for Shepperd, both met by Clayton saves.
Cleeve rallied late, with Holland forcing a save from the Willand number one, but then came the day’s second moment of controversy.
A melee broke out by the dugouts, with both players and officials involved (most trying to calm the situation, it should be said). After a brief consultation with his assistant, the referee brandished a red card for both Watts and Guppy, leaving both teams to play out the last few minutes with 10 men.
With no other action to speak of, the game limped to penalties. Willand blinked first with their third, while Cleeve tucked away all five without fuss — the footballing equivalent of breezing through security while everyone else fumbles with belts and liquids in plastic bags.
Defeat on penalties will sting, but there were positives to take. After the chaos of August, this felt closer to order. Willand may have been outdone by the more efficient travellers, but at least they’re back on the plane — bags (just about) within the limits.
Full Time – Willand 1 – Bishops Cleeve 1 (Cleeve win on Penalties)
