Willand vs Swindon Supermarine
Jeffrey Archer died last week. Lord Archer was a polarising figure, which is being generous
to both poles.
On one hand, he was an old-school Tory who perjured himself in court and went to prison for
it. His lies dragged in newspapers, a woman he swore he’d never met, and the friends he
asked to cover for him. It all happened at a time when a politician lying under oath could still
shock people. Before it became what we all expected.
On the other hand, he wrote possibly the greatest book I’ve ever read. Kane and Abel is a
masterpiece. Two men are born on the same day in 1906, half a world apart. William Kane is
born into a Boston banking fortune. Abel Rosnovski is born into nothing in the Polish forests
and claws his way to America and a hotel empire. They spend their lives trying to destroy
each other, and they never quite understand that they’re the same man.
The point is that people can be both. It’s Schrödinger’s cat, except you open the box and the
cat is still both Tom and Garfield.
Football is full of examples of this duality. Matt Le Tissier could lay claim to being the most
gifted English footballer ever to cross the white line. His views on the white lines in the sky
are a different matter. He recently spent an evening arguing with an AI chatbot about plane
trails. The chatbot won.
Eric Cantona turned Manchester United into a dynasty, and he also once kung-fu kicked a
man in the crowd at Selhurst Park.
The best example of all is Diego Maradona at the 1986 World Cup. He punched the ball past
Peter Shilton, then four minutes later beat half the England team to score what might be the
greatest goal ever scored. The worst and best of a man, in the same half, against the same
opposition. You’d struggle to write it. Although Archer would have tried.
I’ve gone a bit off topic. Which ironically is the topic.
When I started writing match reports for Willand a few seasons ago, I did so based on the
assumption that no-one would read them. It turns out that I do have a single digit following,
but my ethos remained that if I was going to do this, I’d do it differently. While not forsaking
the traditional ‘Nicky Wroe to Tom Bradshaw’ (bonus points if you get that reference), I
decided to wrap the match reports up in a veneer of self-indulgence. Why talk about the
opening shot on goal when you can instead discuss politics, music, cartoons and
philosophy? And it worked.
A best selling book later and it could be argued that Willand Rovers have the best match
reports in Non-League football.
Of course it could also be argued that Willand Rovers have the worst match reports in Non-
League football.
It was pointed out this week that people have to scroll down a thousand times before they
get to the football. It’s a fair comment (although you could just enjoy the rest!) but the point is
that you can enjoy my match reports or they can drive you to distraction. Both are valid
responses. I’ll carry on writing them until I’m told not to, and hopefully you’ve enjoyed this
one so far. But if not…..
THIS IS THE MATCH REPORT
In an ironic twist of coincidence, on the day that my true footballing love Crewe Alexandra
visited Swindon Town, the visitors to my adopted team came in the shape of Swindon
Supermarine.
Marine came into the game top of the table, despite losing 2 of their last 3 games, cementing
what a solid start to the season the Wiltshire team has enjoyed.
For Willand the game came off the back of a run of three games without a victory and
looking to regain their own early season form.
It was the visitors who started strongest with Seedhouse-Evans gathering Dan Warre’s sixth-
minute effort at the second attempt, before he comfortably stopped an effort from Hall. The
home side set their stall out early with long balls into the corners, but it was a counter attack
that gave them the best early chance when good work down the right ended with Bateson
flashing his shot just wide of the post.
The visitors took the lead on 18 minutes, Lynch left unmarked between the centre-backs
before he slid home a cross from the right under Seedhouse-Evans. Willand responded well
and almost replied immediately. Bateson’s header forced Halliday to spill the ball before he
recovered it well.
In a game of few chances the referee started to miss some tackles that on another day may
have drawn a whistle, while fouls were starting to be given based on volume of shouting and
ability to fall-and-roll, placing additional pressure on the officiating team.
Half-time – Willand 0 – Swindon 1
The second half was barely two minutes old when another defensive error punished the
home team. To the catercalls of the home fans who had seen a foul throw that both the
linesman and I missed, two players went for a looping ball, only to place it directly into the
path of Warre who made it 2–0.
Changes from the Willand bench seemed to revitalise the home team, along with a change
in formation, perhaps helped by a perceived injustice when a clash involving Lewis Morgan
brought in both benches, with Morgan seeing a yellow card while the Willand assistant
manager was sent off.
From there the pressure built. Dorothy’s flick set up Maciver-Redwood, who stepped past
his man and drove the ball across the box, but Halliday tipped it behind. From the corner, the
ball dropped to Rooke, who couldn’t work room for a shot. To the home fans, Halliday’s goal
was leading a charmed life, while the Supermarine fans would point to some resolute
defending. As discussed, both things can be true at the same time.
With four minutes left, Willand’s handball appeals were turned down when the ball struck a
Swindon arm in the box, with even the away fans unsure how a spot kick hadn’t been
awarded.
The away fans behind Seedhouse-Evans goal should have had a third to cheer in the 89th
minute as Supermarine staged their own break, with only an excellent save from the Willand
number one, and a Partridge miss from a few feet out preventing the celebrations.
The fact that the chance came from a Willand attacking throw in sums up the game well.
It’s clear to see why Swindon top the league. What they lacked in quality on the day they
more than made up for in grit, determination and team spirit.
For Willand the lessons are clear. You can’t win football games if you give goals away.
Those things can never be true at the same time.
Full time – Willand 0 – Swindon 2
